Merry Fucking Christmas
by silentOrigins
Summary: A quick story where Hussie explains Christmas to Karkat and Eridan.


"Christmas?" Vantas said scratching his head "what the fuck is a Chrismas?"

"oh, erm, it's this thing when people give eachother gifts and eat turkey- i mean... Gobble beast?" replied Jade to the shorter troll.

"so its baisically 12th Perigee's Eve?" Karkat asked, still confused.

"12th... perigee's eve?" Jade asked

"oh its um...when Trolls and their Lusus may decorate the hive or just stay inside, and the Lusus goes and collects a behemoth leaving in the style of a "Christmas" tree- thats what they are called right?"

"yeah"

"I'm still confused"

"gather round children!" yelled hussie "I will tell you a story to explain chirstmas to everyone- even Karkels"

"that's not my name fuckass" Karkat grunted.

"alright ya lil shit's, here it is:

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the hive Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse- i mean squeak beast.  
>The socks were hung by the heating fire divice with care,<br>In hopes that troll st Nicholas soon would be there.

The grubs were nestled all snug in their Recuperacoons beds,  
>While visions of faygo trees danced in their heads.<br>And the lucus in her kerchief, and I in my cap,  
>Had just settled our brains for a long winter s nap.<p>

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,  
>I sprang from the racoopracoon to see what was the matter.<br>Away to the window I flew like a flash,  
>Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.<p>

The two moons on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.  
>When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,<br>But a miniature sleigh, and eight tinny reindeer/ hoofbeast/ antler beast things...

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,  
>I knew in a moment it must be troll St Nick.<br>More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,  
>And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!<p>

"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!  
>On, Comet! On, Cupid! on, on Donner and Blitzen!<br>To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!  
>Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"<p>

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,  
>When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.<br>So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,  
>With the sleigh full of Toys, and troll St Nicholas too.<p>

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.  
>As I drew in my head, and was turning around,<br>Down the heating device, troll St Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,  
>And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.<br>A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,  
>And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.<p>

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!  
>His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry! "fucking lowblood" called Eridan<p>

"shut up Eridan! im trying to listen!" exclaimed Karkat

"now, now, where was i? oh yes:  
>His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,<br>And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,  
>And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.<br>He had a broad face and a little round belly,  
>That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!<p>

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,  
>And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!<br>A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,  
>Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.<p>

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,  
>And filled all the socks, then turned with a jerk.<br>And laying his finger aside of his nose,  
>And giving a nod, up the heating device he rose!<p>

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,  
>And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.<br>But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,  
>'Happy fucking Christmas to all, and to all a fucking-shitty-night!'"<p>

"hussie... hve you been eating slime pies?"

"yes... yes I have Karkat... yes I have" Hussie smiled 


End file.
